It brings me no pleasure to type these words,?? ??? ?? ?? but center parts are tearing the internet apart.

That's right. The timeless middle hair part is at the center of a recently sparked generational feud of dramatically epic proportions — one that's driving a wedge between members of Gen Z, millennials, and really anyone with a head of hair.

How could people be arguing about the placement of hair parts ever, let alone in 2021? Amazing question. As with so many viral trends these days, it all started on TikTok.

Basically, a decent number of Gen Z TikTok users decided to start roasting millennials for doing ~millennial things~like wearing skinny jeans and refusing to abandon their side parts. (It's a whole thing.) The Gen Z argument is essentially that side parts are less flattering and make a person look older, so they're urging all millennials rocking side parts to do themselves a solid and reclaim their youth by achieving that elite scalp symmetry.

For the past few weeks I've watched in horror as my fellow millennials took the Gen Z middle part TikTok narrative as a deeply personal attack. Some broke down in what appeared to be mid-life crises, wondering if their side parts had been aging them for years. Others caved to peer pressure and temporarily switched to center parts as an experiment. Then, after being wildly disappointed by their trials they stubbornly switched back to side parts and rudely argued things like middle parts are "STUPID!" or "scream, 'I'm in elementary school!'"

The debate, quite frankly, is getting out of hand. So I'm here to settle it.

As a rare millennial who has proudly — without a single shred of shame — rocked the middle part for my entire life, I feel I am the utmost authority on this particular topic.

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First things first: Do I think the middle part makes me look younger than I actually am? Almost certainly. In 2016, when I was 23 years old I got carded when trying to buy a ticket to the famously inappropriate PG-13 movie La La Land.Upon realizing the film wasn't rated R like she'd thought, however, the woman let me slide. To this day I still occasionally get asked if I'm in high school or college, and the middle part may be to blame. But hey, if anything, I'm taking my youthful appearance as a compliment!

Do I personally agree with members of Gen Z who are going to bat for my beloved middle part? Of course! But as I've learned from years of enduring light center part shaming from classmates, friends, and family members, the middle part is not for everyone. And if there's one thing I can absolutely attest to from having had a part down the center of my head for the past 27 years it's that Gen Z didn't invent and doesn't own this hairstyle by any means.

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When I told my mom — the woman who first bestowed my iconic middle part upon me — about this generational feud, she got a bit defensive. "You've worn a middle part your whole life. Sounds like, if anything, they stole it from you!" she said. And you know what, she's got a point.

Members of Gen Z may rep and worship the middle part, and I love them for that, but they shouldn't act cocky about it, as if they're the ones who made the center part what it is today. I've been repping the middle part since before Gen Z was born, and before I was born people older than me were doing the same. (Editor's note: Before this late Gen Xer switched to a buzzcut, I was a middle parter going back to the late '70s.)

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When I was younger my signature look (straightened hair with a middle part and face-framing angles) was inspired by former center part queen, Amanda Bynes. Crucially, Bynes is not a member of Gen Z, nor are other famous middle parters, including but not limited to Cher, Meghan Markle, and Megan Fox. It's worth noting, too, that there are countless other public figures born before 1996 who occasionally switch to and look great in a center part.

If you're a millennial who's a fan of the middle part, that's fine. If you're a member of Gen Z who's a fan of the middle part, that's also fine. If you're a fan of the side part, the same rules apply. Do you see where I'm going with this? If you're 87 years old and want to rock a zig-zag part you should be able to go for it without anyone else weighing in as if it impacts them at all.

In the wise words of my mother, "You should be able to part your hair anywhere. Wherever makes you feel most comfortable." Again, she's right! I'd very much like to continue rocking my center without people assuming I'm doing so to look younger or because a younger generation bullied me into wearing one. As a die-hard middle parter I simply don't feel myself when I part my hair to the side. And I imagine that's how die-hard side parters feel when they try a middle part, so who am I to tell them otherwise?

To members of Gen Z: Please stop telling other people how they should wear their hair. To my fellow millennials: Don't feel pressured to succumb to middle part peer pressure, but don't you dare insult those who have one, either.

Wear one part forever or switch your hair part up every once in a while, but just stop fighting about it. There are far more important things to ask of people, like to wear a damn mask.