Essentials Weekspotlights unexpected items that make our daily lives just a little bit better.

During some of my toughest mental health days over the past two years I found comfort in an unexpected place: Instagram.

While social media is amature married men first gay sex videooften considered more harmful than helpfulto people's self-esteem, sense of security, and overall well-being, I wasn't chasing likes or seeking solace in my Instagram feed or other people's Stories. I started using the platform's Close Friends feature— which launched in 2018— more frequently, and I found that sharing Stories with a carefully curated group of people felt safer and more fruitful than posting updates to all of my followers.

For anyone unfamiliar with the Close Friends feature, it lets you share Stories with a select group of users instead of with every random account, casual acquaintance, family member, and colleague who follows you. The feature won't alert people if you add or omit them from your Close Friends list, but those who've made the cut will know they're viewing a Close Friend Story when they see a green ring around a user's profile photo and Instagram Story, or a green sticker in the upper right hand corner of an individual Story.

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I posted my first regular Instagram Story in 2018, and primarily used the feature to share idyllic snapshots from my daily Manhattan commute, photos of iced coffee taken with Portrait Mode, videos of friends that were too goofy to make the feed, and other aesthetically gorgeous content intrinsic to the platform. It wasn't until 2020 — when I was struggling to navigate crushing COVID-19 anxiety, the nationwide response to George Floyd's murder, and the looming presidential election — that I regularly started using Close Friends. And in 2021, the feature helped me work through unfathomable tragedies like the Capitol riot and mass shootings, along with the stress of anti-vaxxers, anti-maskers, and the discovery of new COVID-19 variants. 

The feature created a safe space where I could express my beliefs and concerns without fear of judgment or repercussions. I initially used Close Friends to share serious, reflective commentary on the state of the world, but I grew so comfortable with the added layer of privacy that I began sharing everything from TV show recommendations and physical therapy updates to Chipwich glamour shots and scenes from my daily walks with the limited group of followers, too.

Today, I almost exclusively use Close Friends when posting Stories. The essential feature helps me feel less exposed, more relaxed, and free to be my truest self online. I'm convinced it's the key to enhancing your Instagram experience.

The pivot to Close Friends

When the 2020 news cycle started regularly weighing me down with grief, worry, and heartache I changed the way I used social media entirely. I could no longer summon the emotional energy needed to curate peppy tweets or Stories, so I stopped posting altogether for a while. I wanted to use social media to share my raw emotions, fears, and pain with others — for the sake of my own mental health and to let my friends know they weren't alone in their struggles — but I didn't want to broadcast those intimacies to all of Twitter or my 500 Instagram followers, and potentially anyone who spots my public Instagram.

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I get the occasional follow or Story view from a stranger. It's mostly harmless, but this year I realized that while I'm comfortable publicly posting to my feed, I don't want all of my followers seeing the private life snippets I share in Stories. (No matter how boring they may be.) I took several steps to make my Instagram Stories more secure, and I started being more mindful when posting. Now, before I upload a Story I stop and consider whether it's better suited for the eyes of all my followers or my list of 60 Close Friends (give or take a few depending on the content). More often than not, the Close Friends list wins. While I'm not necessarily "close friends" with every person on the list, I value each of them and trust that if they saw me in crisis they wouldn’t text Gossip Girl. In addition to my best friends, the list includes dozens of former colleagues and pals from college. I don't necessarily speak to or hang out with them on a regular basis, but I still cherish them and want to keep them updated on my life.

I don't shy away from publicly posting celebrity content, sharing articles I've written, or wishing people a happy birthday on Stories, but when I need to vent, give the occasional crush update, share an embarrassing story, or provide an unfiltered look at my life I smash the Close Friends button without hesitation.

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Everyone uses Close Friends differently, but when I put a call out on Twitterasking fans of the feature to share why they like it, several common themes popped up. Some utilize the feature to share content with a single user (such as a best friend or a crush), while others curate a Close Friends list to "soft launch" relationships, or keep content that features their significant other private. Many parents take advantage of the private feature when sharing photos of their children online. And one of the most popular reasons people use Close Friends is to hide certain Stories from the overly watchful eyes of judgmental family members or bosses.

The feature lets people establish solid, personalized boundaries on Instagram, so if you're not already taking advantage of Close Friends, I highly suggest you give it a shot.

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Close Friends, assemble

Wondering how to create and post a Close Friends story? Follow these four simple steps:

1. Click the three lines in the upper righthand corner of your Instagram profile.

2. Select "Close Friends."

3. There, you can browse a list of all of your followers (or search for specific people by name) and choose which users to add.

4. Next time you create a Story and want to share it with the select group simply tap the "Close Friends" option at the bottom of your screen and voila!

If you don't use Instagram Stories or want to start hiding select Stories on other platforms, consider ramping up your privacy settings on Facebook Storiesand Snapchat Stories, too.

Whether you're using social media to celebrate, complain, or share life updates, just remember: You don't have to show everyone every part of your Story.

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